I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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