we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
do nipples grow back?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
