He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
