It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This is the high leading the old right now
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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