toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
