actually, I'm a sock model
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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