I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
