all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
