I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
