I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
