If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
