Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
