that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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