Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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