You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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