I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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