I just threw up on my dentist
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
