I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
