I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i think my cat just said my name.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
