i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
