I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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