I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
50% drunk capacity currently
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
