So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Randomize
