You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
