I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
