I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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