This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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