Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
