When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
