btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
