RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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