On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
