youre lurking in front of me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
