Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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