My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
not ubering you a puppy
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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