Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
