So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
