smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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