You just made me feel so damn special
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I am midnight drunk by noon
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
