Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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