Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
