life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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