Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
