i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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