My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
