We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
