some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
