what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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