he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
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