Will you blow on my dice?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
