Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
